“This Advice Changed My Life”

Destination: Heartache or Happiness?

Have you heard the 1963 song If You Wanna Be Happy by Jimmy Soul?  Though presented as tongue-in-cheek advice, it is based on the truism that the more attractive a person is, the less they need you.

♪ If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
♪ never make a pretty woman your wife

The song describes how an attractive person can cause heartbreak in their partner.  What it doesn't mention is jealousy, which can turn a relationship into a prison and destroy the love a couple once felt.

That is my story.

For 10 years I lived in a marriage where I could not even look at another woman, let alone interact with one, without there being "consequences".  It turned out that my wedding day was the day I lost contact with half the world: I was allowed to connect with billions of men... but only one woman.

My wife eventually divorced me and ran off with our gardener (lucky guy!)  As a result I was thrust back into the dating scene, this time hoping to meet someone less insecure.

Why is cheating so common, and so devastating?

Before I continue, it might help to understand the cause and effect of jealousy.  We all know what jealousy is, but what actually triggers it?

While human society imposes certain rules, human beings with normal libidos have an instinctive urge to mate with as many others as possible in order to ensure the survival and genetic diversity of the species.

This primal urge exists because it is biologically rewarding: The pleasure associated with sexual activity serves as a natural incentive to propagate our species.

From a scientific perspective, jealousy arises from an evolutionary need for stable pair bonds (i.e.  couples) to ensure the successful upbringing of children and survival of one's genes.

From society's perspective, jealousy acts as a protective mechanism to discourage behavior that could threaten the family unit.

Despite the severe consequences that society imposes (heartbreak, a broken family, massive financial loss, damaged reputation), this primitive urge is often overpowering.

The conflict between our biological urges and societal expectations creates an internal struggle, leading to frustration, stress, unhappiness, cheating, and divorce.

But all is not lost: There is a way to satisfy both science and society while also enjoying the pleasures that life has to offer, guilt-free!

"Honey, can I see other women?"

Pretty soon after my divorce I met a wonderful woman on a dating site.  Not only was she attractive, but we also had lot in common.  In person, she was even better than I had expected: sweet, fun, and – to my amazement – not at all jealous.

One afternoon she said, "I'm a little shy to ask, but would you be upset if I want us to go out tonight and meet some women?"  Surely that is the dream of most men – how could I say no?

And so began the rest of my life, one in which my partner and I shared a mutual interest in women, could talk about them, admire them and yes, even enjoy them together.

But bisexuals are extremely rare!

Actually, they're not rare at all.  They're simply camouflaged, so the only problem is identifying them.  After two long-term relationships with bisexual partners, I married a third and never looked back.

The number of women identifying as bisexual has been rising exponentially this century, to the point where in 2023 roughly 20% of women identified as bi.

Many dating sites, such as Barely Dating, now allow users to specify their sexuality.  On those that don't, simply overcome your fear of rejection and ask: if you don't ask, you don't get.

What harm can it do, asking a stranger online if they are bisexual?  The worst that can happen is that they say "No", thereby narrowing down your list of potential partners.

Focus on your goal no matter how distractingly gorgeous or handsome someone might be and you will end up with a bisexual partner who admires the opposite sex as much as you do.

The alternative might well be life in a prison cell shared with one (albeit attractive) person...

It's not for everyone

I have met a surprising number of men who will not accept another woman into their relationship.  What?!  A man who does not want a ménage à trois?  While it could simply be insecurity (another woman might steal their woman away), I have encountered men who actually find it "disgusting".

One of the most significant drawbacks of having a bisexual partner is the societal stigma and misconceptions associated with bisexuality.  Bisexual individuals are, by definition, 'unfaithful', and quite often their partners are too.  This can lead to judgment from others and external pressure that can impact the relationship.

A straight person might feel threatened by the idea that their bisexual partner could be attracted to both genders, leading them to question their own desirability.  Similarly, the bisexual partner might worry that their partner will choose the 'unicorn' (third person in a threesome) over them.  Open, honest communication is vital.

While bisexuality can lead to more open relationships, it also requires a clear set of rules to avoid confusion, insecurity, misunderstanding, or jealousy.  For example, a couple might agree (a) no sex without both partners present; (b) both have complete veto power; (c) both orgasm together, not with the third person; (d) no kissing.

Bisexual individuals often face pressure to conform to stereotypes, such as the expectation that they are always interested in multiple partners or open relationships.

Benefits of a long-term bisexual partner

The main advantage of having a bisexual partner is being able to share admiration for other people of their gender – without fear of repercussions such as sulking, jealousy, divorce, dodging flying plates, losing your children, or being riddled with bullets.

Most people find this ability to openly discuss other people sexually a refreshing alternative to possessive relationships in which talk about others is off limits.

Bisexuals are generally more open to exploring new experiences and ideas, which can come as a godsend to someone with a strong sexual appetite.  'Cheating' with your partner and without guilt can bring a relationship to a whole new level.

My personal experience

When sharing my experience I often receive a response along the lines of this one, quoted verbatim:

That is the best advice I have gotten in my entire life.  It literally opens my eyes in this fascinating world.  It gives me the urge to explore the adventurous places in the wild world and other realms located in the universe.

Put simply, my accidental involvement with a bisexual partner changed my life – and it can change yours too, whether you are a man or a woman.

It unlocked levels of intimacy, openness, and experience that I had never in my wildest dreams imagined were possible.  I would never even consider going back to a 'normal' relationship with its restrictions, rules, moods, accusations, and need for pretense.

When you see someone attractive, would you prefer your partner to share this attraction, or elbow you in the ribs?

When you feel like watching porn, would you prefer to do it alone in secret, or openly with your partner?

When you find someone sexually attractive, would you prefer to suppress your desires, or have your partner invite them into your house?