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Dating. But In Reverse.

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by Shawn Jacobs
on June 25, 2023

Tired of hit-and-miss dating?

Woman sitting in bed texting and showing cleavage

Traditional dating sites all follow the same old recipe:

  1. Express interestThis is basically guesswork: You see a nice face, swipe or click, and hope they are what you are looking for.
  2. CommunicateThis stage takes the most time and can involve prolonged anticipation, doubt, frustration, and jealousy.
  3. Eventually meetThe less you know about your date, the more likely this is to be a waste of time and money.
  4. Explore physical chemistryThis is what it all comes down to: if you don't 'click' physically, all of the above was for nothing!

This 'recipe for failure' needs to be followed for each and every person you take a serious interest in, despite the fact that it will often lead to nothing.

A paradigm shift in online dating

Attractive 1950s woman in underwear taking selfie

When we stake our future on an unknown outcome, it's called a gamble.  Whether it's waiting to see which horse wins, or whether you will 'click' with your date, it's gambling.

It often happens that we feel a strong connection with someone online, only to be disappointed when finally meeting in person.  Wasted time, effort, and money; shattered illusions, frustration, and heartache.

Barely Dating set out to re-imagine dating and dramatically increase the odds of 'winning'.  We found that by moving the last step (exploring physical/sexual compatibility) to the beginning, most of the risk is removed.

The result is Reverse Dating, which flips the script by allowing individuals to first see potential partners undressed, before deciding whether to take it further.

Don't waste time on the incompatible

Stern looking woman pointing finger at man who is looking away into the distance

You meet someone online who looks and sounds fantastic.  You make contact and start getting to know each other.  What is often one of the first issues to arise?  Exclusivity!  You've only just met, but they already expect you to be 'faithful'.  And you'd love to be faithful, but you also want to see if there might be someone better...

Here's the problem: To meet the one person with whom you 'click', you might need to chat with a hundred potential dates over time.  Each person you contact has only a small chance of becoming your eventual partner, yet that person will often expect a degree of commitment and exclusivity from the outset.

Reverse Dating goes a long way towards avoiding this problem.  Rather than contacting 100 potential candidates and hoping for the best, you immediately eliminate the 90 who are not physically/sexually compatible.  Out of the remaining 10, you only need to contact the 2 who also find you compatible.

End result: You just saved 98% of your time and effort by only contacting those with whom you are physically compatible.

How it works

Buxom woman taking faceless selfie in bed with nice view in window behind

Reverse Dating challenges the traditional approach of getting to know someone through messaging, phone calls, and coffee dates before revealing one's physical self.  Instead, participants have the opportunity to anonymously view others fully nude*, gaining an immediate and intimate insight into their physical appearance.*Completely anonymous: No one can connect a nude photo to its owner.

Only after randomly rating someone's nude and non-nude photos highly, and being rated highly in return, are two people matched and able to pursue a relationship.

Even after two people match, neither can see the other's photos unless they choose to reveal them.  In other words, they can chat secure in the knowledge that this person is physically attractive to them, even though they don't know which photos were theirs.

At any point, either user may choose to reveal (or hide) their nude or non-nude photos.


Reverse Dating offers several advantages over legacy dating.

Half-undressed man and woman standing in forest gazing at each other

Transparency and authenticity

Users present themselves without filters or façades.  This upfront honesty leads to more authentic connections, as physical attraction is no longer concealed.

Time efficiency

Avoid weeks or months of pointless messaging and unsatisfied curiosity.  Eliminate mismatches early on, leaving more time to spend on relationships with physically-compatible partners.

Physical chemistry as a starting point

Sexual attraction is fundamental to any romantic relationship.  By starting with the visual element, Reverse Dating produces more passionate and satisfying connections.

Empowerment and choice

Unsuitable partners can be rejected anonymously before any emotional investment has been made, leading to more fulfilling interactions with those who are compatible.

Challenges and considerations

Some suggest that Reverse Dating has potential drawbacks.  Let us examine these claims.

Critics argue that basing romantic potential solely on physical appearance undermines the importance of emotional compatibility and shared values.

This is simply not true.  Very few people want to have sex with or wake up every morning next to someone they find unattractive and/or unsexy, so why not filter them at the outset?

Black and white photo of man and woman in underwear standing very close facing each other

Privacy and consent
Introducing nude images into the realm of online dating raises concerns about privacy and consent.  Participants must feel comfortable and secure in sharing such intimate content.

Here at Barely Dating all nude photos are guaranteed 100% anonymous (no faces are shown) and not capable of being linked to a specific user.  They are also interspersed randomly with thousands of others.

Reverse Dating focuses on the body rather than the person as a whole.  Balancing the emphasis on physical attraction with genuine interest in a person's character is crucial.

How do you know if someone is genuinely interested in you, or just out for fun?  This is a valid concern, but note that someone who finds you sexually attractive is more likely to want a long-term relationship!

Long-term compatibility
While initial physical attraction is important, sustainable relationships require emotional, intellectual, and interpersonal compatibility.  Reverse Dating might inadvertently prioritize short-term excitement over long-term potential.

This, too, is a valid concern.  However, without physical attraction, the rest is meaningless.  When two people can't keep their eyes and hands off each other, there is more flexibility in other areas!

Implications for modern relationships

Older woman and younger man in underwear facing each other, about to kiss

The concept of Reverse Dating challenges societal norms and opens a dialogue about the nature of relationships in the digital age.

With sex, sexuality, and even porn becoming ubiquitous and normalized, it highlights the multifaceted nature of human attraction and raises questions about the role of physical appearance in forming genuine connections.

As technology continues to reshape our interactions, it is vital to consider how Reverse Dating might impact the way we perceive, pursue, and sustain relationships.

Not for everyone

Reverse Dating represents a radical departure from conventional dating.  'Baring all', however anonymous it may be, is not for everyone.

By placing physical attraction at the forefront, Reverse Dating challenges individuals to question their priorities and rethink the dynamics of modern romance.  Many will decide "the old way is best", focusing on inner qualities first and leaving physical and sexual qualities to chance.

As we learn more about the complexities of human relationships, Reverse Dating serves as a thought-provoking reminder that love and intimacy are deeply entwined, evolving, and ultimately defined by the unique connections we forge with one another.

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